Ask the Psychologist: Break-Ups
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How can you love and hate somebody at the same time? Watch this video to learn about the rollercoaster ride your emotions take after a break-up.
Transcript: Trust me, it is extremely easy to love and hate a person at the same time. Why ? Simply because you are...
Trust me, it is extremely easy to love and hate a person at the same time. Why ? Simply because you are dealing with a tremendous amount of emotions that are dedicated to the object of your affection. And because of this, as the old saying goes, there is a very thin line between love and hate. To be so emotionally invested in someone means that you have placed yourself in an extremely vulnerable emotional position. That means when things are going well it feels really great. But when things are going wrong it feels really bad. Now that you have just broken up with this guy who you love, this tremendous amount of emotion that you felt cannot just disappear, it is just too strong to turn off or dismiss and therefore remains in your psyche, but is channeled into hate. Think about it, If you felt very little for him, or you only went on a few dates , you would not be so emotionally invested in therefore breaking up would be of little consequence. You probably would not give him much of a second thought and move on to someone else. So the good news is eventually that emotional energy will begin to weaken and dissipate. If you stick to your guns and decide not to reunite with him, eventually you will begin to feel less love and yes less hate. Another scenario might be, you may meet someone new and can then transferred that emotional energy into dating and possibly falling in love with this new person. However, beware of the curse of the rebound relationship. My advice therefore is to work out and resolve your issues of the old relationship before venturing out prematurely into a new one.More »
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You may feel overwhelming stress and anger -- and then take it out on your family because they are the ones closest to you. Watch this video to learn better ways of handling anger without hurting those you love.
Transcript: This is a great question because quite often we do take out our stress and anger on the ones that we...
This is a great question because quite often we do take out our stress and anger on the ones that we love. The old saying is true... You always hurt the ones you love.... As well as familiarity breeds contempt. Of course the reason this happens is because our loved ones are the ones who are closest to us and in the path of our wrath. We may feel less fearful of taking advantage of their love and kindness because they may not fight back in the way that a stranger might. Thus the answer to the question is simple. Knowing that you take advantage of July of them because of stress and anger, always stay very conscious as to what the source of that stress and anger is. Quite often you will find that it is not your loved one. Therefore, when you are about to let loose, employ the rule of: stop, breathe and walk away. Compose yourself and really think about what you are about to do. Also think about how you have unnecessarily hurt that loved one simply because they would there. Once you compose yourself come back and talk to that loved one and instead of bashing them, talk to them and together we work out strategies that can help you minimize that stress and anger that can be so destructive to you, your loved one or anyone else in your path.More »
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Feeling angry is inevitable; it's how you express it that matters. Watch this video to learn how to channel and convey your anger in healthier ways.
Transcript: Well first and foremost let me inform you that anger is not necessarily a bad thing. As a matter of fact...
Well first and foremost let me inform you that anger is not necessarily a bad thing. As a matter of fact it is an emotion that expresses some frustration that we are feeling. Controlling anger should not mean sitting on it or internalizing it, which will result in more anger or depression or even physical symptoms such as headaches and stomach aches to name a few. So the notion of controlling anger should be seen in the light of expressing or channeling your anger in healthy and appropriate ways to you and the people around you. The following are some easy solutions and strategies to appropriately controlling and expressing your anger. --Take a deep and continuous breath. This will allow you to relax your body and in turn your mind, allowing some of that anger to dissipate and deflate. --Take a walk...... away from whatever is causing the anger, continue to breathe deeply. This will allow you the time to get a better handle on your emotions and the cause of your frustration or anger . --Do some physical exercises., Such as jumping jacks, push-ups, situps, even a short jog. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough so that will allow some of that anger to be expelled in a healthy manner. --Along with the exercising, do some stretching or even meditation. That will also relax your body. It will also allow you to get more oxygen to assist in clearing your thoughts .--You can journal and write down some of your thoughts. This will allow you to channel your anger from your brain, to paper, and avoid saying something hurtful to someone else. Write down all your thoughts. This writing exercise will also help you better analyze and take the time to consider what is going on. --Take responsibility for where you may be causing or contributing to the anger. That will take the focus off the person or situation that you believe is setting you off. Concentrating on yourself makes you less helpless and more empowered to solve the problem. --Use positive mental attitude. As I like to say, flip the script and trick the devil by spinning whatever is negative into positive. Be grateful for the little things including the Sun in the sky, and the love of your friends and family. For sure a combination of these techniques will help you control and even better get rid of that negative energy and anger.More »
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